Fake it till you make it is an adage that works in many situations in life, but should definitely not be applied in your sex life. While movies and TV shows make it look like a woman can climax in under 1 minute, this is far from the truth. You simply can’t expect to reach the big O after 1 kiss and 5 thrusts. And that’s the reason a lot of men are clueless, and many women have actually never experienced an orgasm, even after months and years of being sexually active.

Don’t let your climax be anti-climactic. The silence and stigma around female sexual pleasure further worsen the issue. The root of the problem can be physical, mental or even socio-cultural, but most women don’t feel comfortable discussing it, giving rise to feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and anxiety. But there is hope yet! 

Before reading on about the different things you can try to have, and heighten your chances of having an orgasm, just know that you don’t need ‘fixing’, because you’re not ‘broken’. This mental block that something is wrong with you, in fact further prevents you from reaching climax. 

5 Ways To Try & Experience The Big O

1. Masturbate & Pleasure Yourself

It can be difficult to have an orgasm when it is entirely dependent on your partner. Start off easy by exploring your body and its erogenous zones. Touch yourself, literally, to find out what makes you feel good. Getting into a habit of masturbating will also allow you to get intimate with your own body, so you have complete control over the process. You don’t have to focus on reaching completion initially. Take your body on a test drive and see how smoothly it runs. Let the destination take a backseat. Also, these tips on female masturbation can help you further.

Once you’ve figured out what gets you going, bring your partner into the equation and guide them into helping you climax. Remember, penetration isn’t the only way your partner can help you orgasm. In fact, most women peak with clitoral stimulation and oral sex over penetration, so try those with your partner.

“You don’t need ‘fixing’, because you’re not ‘broken’. This mental block that something is wrong with you, in fact further prevents you from reaching climax.”

2. Use Toys

Using toys is totally normal, and is, in fact, a great way of experiencing new sensations. Use them all by yourself or even with a partner. For a lot of women, using toys is the final step that pushes them to have an orgasm. Something small and powerful but still discreet, like bullet or G spot bunny vibrators, can be a fun new way to accomplish what your hands may not. There are a lot of different models with varying specifications that you can select based on your personal preferences and your budget. If you choose to use toys, don’t forget to use lube to make the experience much more intense and comfortable. 

3. Remove Distractions

Having an orgasm and sexual activity, in general, is quite an intense process that requires you to give yourself in to the moment. If you’re still thinking about the work you have to do the next day or wondering if the electricity bill has been paid yet, it can be safely assumed that you’re not entirely in the right frame of mind for it.

Also, stop obsessing over how long you’re taking to climax or forcing yourself to orgasm, or even faking it just so that your partner doesn’t think you’re taking too long. Try having some music in the background, looking in your partner’s eyes and at their body, touching yourself simultaneously, or even fantasising about something that turns you on. These can help quiet your mind and give in to your body. And remember, it’s okay not to reach the big O every single time. Foreplay and other acts of sexual pleasure are just as enjoyable.

“Stop obsessing over how long you’re taking to climax or forcing yourself to orgasm, or even faking it just so that your partner doesn’t think you’re taking too long.”

4. Get In The Mood

The brain is the most important sex organ, and no this does not refer to sapiosexuals! If your brain gets in the right mood, the rest of your body is bound to follow suit. It is critical that you understand that arousal does not just happen at a physical level, but at a mental level as well. You could start off by thinking about things that you find arousing, watching porn or reading erotica. Recollecting past sexual encounters can further aid this process. If you still find it hard to focus on yourself, break it down to simpler elements. Put on some lingerie that makes you feel attractive and try to focus on your partner. If you’re open enough, the two of you can watch porn together to get in the mood and see what turns the other person on. 

5. Talk It Out

If your inability to finish during sex is coming in the way of your self-esteem and your relationship, it’s time to sit down and communicate this to your partner. Be honest about how this is making you feel. Tell your partner what they could do or how they could help. This is not the time for you to feel ashamed about your physical needs. Engaging in this conversation like mature individuals will just strengthen your relationship and clear the path for emotional and physical growth. 

Most women cannot orgasm simply from penetrative sex. Clitoral stimulation, either manually or through a toy, has been found to be much more effective. In a lot of cases, there may be a medical condition that is preventing you from having an orgasm. If you’ve tried these methods out and you still cannot have an orgasm, it may benefit you to visit a gynaecologist. Based on her recommendation, you could be referred to a sexologist as well to work with you towards diagnosing the root cause of your issue and coming up with an appropriate solution to it. 

Ayushi Astha
Ayushi Astha

An armchair philosopher, Ayushi likes writing and making an inordinate amount of mug cakes. In the event that she's not writing she can either be found watching baking shows on repeat or reading poetry.