Having sex for the first time can be many things — daunting, exciting, scary, awkward, romantic, vulnerable, hilarious, or even uncomfortable. But, there are also a few things that it should not be — rushed, unsafe, or painful.
Having sex for the first time can be a huge milestone for some, and it can be just another Thursday for others – both are completely okay, as you get to decide its importance.
These 7 facts about having sex for the first time might surprising, and they’ll help put your mind at ease so that you can enjoy your first time without worrying about everything.
1. Some Women Bleed, Some Don’t
Not every hymen tears during the first time you have sex. You might have already torn your hymen during vigorous exercise or horseriding, or maybe your hymen hasn’t torn even after you’ve had sex. Sometimes, the hymen tears partially. Either way, bleeding or not bleeding during your first time – both are equally okay.
2. Having An Orgasm The First Time Is Rare
The first time you have sex is all about exploring. You explore each other’s bodies, you explore your own body, you find out what feels good for you and what doesn’t – there’s a lot to do. Don’t focus on having an orgasm or struggling to give an orgasm to your partner, but instead try to have a good time and enjoy whatever you’re doing.
3. No Penis Is Too Big For Your Vagina
Vaginas don’t come in one single shape and size – they’re stretchy. Your vagina will expand when you’re relaxed and turned on to prep for the insertion of a penis. If a penis is fully inserted it might hit your cervix and feel a little uncomfortable, but you just have to tell your partner to pull back slightly. No size is too big, your vagina will adapt to it, so don’t be scared. You can fit the entire head of a child through your vagina, what’s a penis compared to that?
4. First Time Sex ≠ Pain
Sex isn’t supposed to be painful, even the first time. It might be slightly uncomfortable, but if having sex is painful for you, something is probably wrong. You might be involuntarily clenching your pelvic floor muscles, which you need to relax by calming down and letting go. The most common cause of pain during first-time sex is friction, and that’s easily fixed by lube.
5. Lube + Foreplay + Open Communication = More Pleasure
Lube is your best friend during sex – whether you’re having it for the 1st time or the 50th. Consider foreplay your other best friend, that will help you lubricate your vagina naturally. Foreplay involves kissing, touching and exploring each other’s bodies, so that you get comfortable with them and yourself. Go slow, take your time, and enjoy every moment. Open communication is very important during sex, and more so for the first time. Tell your partner what you like, what you don’t, what you want to try and what makes you uncomfortable, and listen to them when they say the same – it will ensure a better overall experience.
6. Vagina’s Don’t Fart – That’s Called A Queef!
If your vagina made a fart-like sound during sex, don’t worry, it’s called a queef and it’s quite common. It’s not a fart – queefs are just pockets of air that get trapped in your vagina, and make a fart-like sound when getting expelled. Queefing doesn’t just happen during sexual activities, you might have noticed it when you work out too, or in the washroom.
7. Sex Is Not Just Penetration
You don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for yet. There are a lot of ways to get sexual pleasure, and sex does not always have to be penis-in-vagina. Oral sex, anal sex, fingering/handjob and mutual masturbation are some avenues you can try. There isn’t just one way to have sex, and the best way is whatever gives pleasure and feels comfortable for both you and your partner.
The main thing that you need to remember for your first time is to be with the right person, in a cosy place, using protection, and only doing what is comfortable for both of you. Being puzzled or feeling like you don’t know what to do is completely okay, you can both figure that out together. Now go have some great sex!
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