Have you ever questioned whether you and your special someone is meant to be? Are you facing substantial issues in your daily life because of this feeling of insecurity? Seeking constant reassurance, pangs of jealousy, throwing accusations and snooping behaviour can ruin the basic foundation of any relationship, which is trust. Such toxic patterns of behaviour can push your partner away. To an extent, the fear of losing our partner helps us to give our best and work harder in our relationship, adding value to the companionship. Sometimes, couples find this jealousy and possessiveness cute or adorable, however, feelings of constant jealousy and insecurity can ruin an otherwise healthy relationship.
Studies have highlighted that these irrational thoughts, fears, and insecurity come from within. As emphasized by the Psychoanalytic School of Psychology, it goes back to your childhood and past experiences. Insecure attachment style in the parent-child relationship, past rejections, or being too self-critical can impact present relationships. There are chances that your insecurity is fueled by your toxic partner. Watch this video to know 3 signs that you might have a toxic partner.
Causes Of Insecurity In Relationship
1. Lack Of Confidence And Low Self-Esteem
Lack of confidence and having low self-esteem typically links you back to your upbringing, home and school atmosphere. An authoritarian style of parenting where you hardly got to see the affectionate side of your parents or were constantly told that you are not good enough, getting teased and bullied in school, not having a close circle of friends to rely upon, such negative and unresolved experiences can have long term implications in your adulthood. You grow up constantly feeling insecure about everything, doubting your own emotions, and thoughts, and ultimately projecting these doubts onto your relationship and your partner. You feel like being stuck in an unending loop of irrational thoughts and worries.
2. Emotional Baggage From Failed Relationships
We all have gone through relationships that didn’t work out, forcing us to walk away. Be it dishonesty or abuse or something else, we generally take time to overcome our emotions and move on and start afresh because that is the healthy thing to do. But some of us fail to do so and hold on to the negative and unresolved emotions. This results in anxiety and insecurity that we end up mounting on our new relations, subconsciously holding them responsible for the pain we suffered from our ex-partners. This baggage is enough to sabotage the new relationship.
3. Childhood Attachment Styles
Several psychological types of research suggested that children develop different attachment styles based on how their parents interacted with them, which in the long run, influences their adult relationships. Therefore, insecurity in relationships may arise from maladaptive attachment style with parents in the early stages of life.
Dealing with insecurities in a relationship is a challenge in itself. There are several types of insecurities in a relationship. Let’s look at some of the major types and signs of insecurity that can have a long-lasting impact on your relationship and mental health.
If you think that that there are signs and red flags that indicate that your partner and the relationship has turned toxic, trust that gut feeling. Call it quits if that’s what your gut tells you. Getting free of that toxic relationship gives you clarity and ensures personal growth. Watch this video to see how leaving a toxic relationship can change you for the best!
Signs That Your Insecurity Is Impacting Your Relationship
1. You Constantly Compare Yourself With Your Partner’s Ex(es)
We are all curious to find out who our partners have been dating before us. However, what is not normal is if you have an unhealthy obsession with them. When you try to measure yourself with their exes then you are demeaning your own unique personality and traits in a way. Try explaining to yourself that your partner is not with them anymore. He has chosen you as you are. This should be enough to convince you that the past didn’t work out for a reason and focus on the present is always a better call.
2. Needing Constant Reassurance From Your Partner
Once in a while, it’s absolutely fine to crave some reassurance from your partner, but seeking constant validation can be quite toxic to the relationship. They might just get exhausted from reassuring you time and again until a point comes when they simply refuse to validate, fuelling your insecurity even more. As they lose their patience, the outlook of the relationship could turn drastically critical and negative.
3. Growing Distance In Your Relationship
We crave intimacy and emotional closeness in our relationships; however, your insecurities are creating a rift between you and your partner. You both feel distant from one another, don’t feel comfortable sharing your feelings, and have serious communication issues and misunderstandings, and keep failing to resolve these things.
4. You Are Always Overthinking About Your Relationship
Are you always assuming the worst about your relationship? And is it hampering your everyday activities? You are worried about your relationship going downhill. This is a clear sign that your insecurities are taking a toll on your mental health and your reality context is getting distorted.
Solutions On How To Get Over Insecurities
1. Change Your Perspective & Focus On What You Bring To The Table
In every relationship, different partners bring different traits and qualities to the table and that actually compliments the bond. In order to feel more secure, shift your attention to your qualities. Analyse what you bring to the table for your partner and why they see you so uniquely that they chose you as their life partner. This uniqueness has nothing to do with appearance or wealth in the majority of the cases but with your personality characteristics. Also, think about how you make the other person’s life better. Focus on what you have instead of what you think you lack.
2. Work On Your Self-Confidence
Ensure that you don’t engage in negative self-talk nor be too critical of yourself. Studies emphasize that when you see yourself in a very critical light, you constantly seek validation from the outside world. Such low self-esteem reflects on your insecurity issues. Building self-confidence takes time but you can do it simply by refraining from engaging in negative self-talk and not being too hard on yourself.
3. Don’t Compromise On Your Independence
Even when you are in a relationship, it’s important to maintain your sense of self-identity, independence, and personal well-being. You don’t need to place the key to your happiness in the hands of your partner. You will be the only person taking care of that key. Having an independent life and existence of your own will make it easier for you to look at things in a different light. Make time for your friends and family, follow your goals and hobbies, do things that make you happy and that does not necessarily mean that your partner needs to be involved always. By following this you will have a world beyond your partner.
4. Don’t Be Afraid To Initiate Uncomfortable Conversations
Remember that conflict can be stressful but it is temporary and resolves long pending issues. Be vocal, upfront, and honest about your feelings to your partner. Initiating communication will help you to get closure on a lot of problems and will also encourage your partner to open up about their issues to you. This will ultimately strengthen your bond.
5. Give Space To Your Partner
As you offer space to your partner, you too get your time. They can pursue what they like and so can you. It serves as a great opportunity to pursue your own interests and work on maintaining your own social life. Giving space to your partner also signifies that you respect their boundaries and don’t want to suffocate them.
6. Give Yourself Closure On Your Past Negative Experiences
Are you wondering how to get over insecurities after being cheated on? Give yourself the closure. Don’t let unsuccessful relationships in the past sabotage your current relationship. Even if you did not get closure on them, you can always give yourself one. Stop seeing your current partner in the light of your ex and stop assuming that they are going to end up making the same mistakes. Every relationship is unique, therefore, it’s not advisable to draw comparisons.
While you are battling and dealing with insecurities in a relationship, it’s crucial to remember that feelings of insecurity in relationships are very common. However, don’t let this craving for constant validation dominate your overall mental well-being. You might have a lot of expectations from your partner but consider that nobody is perfect and we all come with baggage. Letting go of your irrational insecurities will not only help you to understand your partner in a better way but will also improve your bond. And don’t forget to be a better version of yourself, not just for your partner but for yourself as well. Keep the thrive on!