Though sex is considered as one of the most physically satisfying experiences one may experience throughout their life, it is not everyone’s cup of tea. A lot of people are scared of sex. One of the dark truths about being exposed to so much sexual information is that it comes with a lot of self-doubts apart from knowledge. Even at this time and age, sex is considered a taboo in our society, which restricts us from having certain conversations, leading to this hell of self-hatred and self-doubt.
Fear Of Sex: The Reasons Behind The Nerves
Everyone may have their reasons to fear of sexual intimacy. In most cases, Erotophobia i.e. the fear of having sex traces itself way back to some trauma they might have experienced in the past.
Some of the reasons behind genophobia have been briefly described below:
1. Lack Of Experience And Low Self-esteem
This is something that haunts a lot of teenagers. While sex is a whole new fascinating experience for them, a lot of teenagers are scared to have physically intimate moments with their respective partners. This fear stems from their lack of experience. They fear that their partner might leave them if they are “not good in bed” which is making them scared of sex. The stress and performance pressure releases entirely different hormones in their body that results in an abysmal lack of self-esteem.
2. Body Image Issues
People who have faced body shaming in their childhood, sometimes carry this baggage with themselves. This makes them uncomfortable in their skin. They feel very unworthy of themselves and have a fear of exposing their body in front of their partners. Fear of judgment, fear of abandonment are their worst nightmares.
3. Sexual Abuse Or Trauma
Some experiences scar people for life and sexual assault is one of those. In most cases, it leaves a permanent fear in the victim’s mind. They develop haphephobia, the fear of being touched, which prevents them from getting intimate.
Yes, tocophobia, the fear of getting pregnant, is an actual thing. Despite the various birth control methods and their tireless endorsement, a lot of girls are afraid of getting pregnant. In such cases, the fear is not due to a lack of awareness but a lack of faith in their partners regarding wearing a condom or their partner’s unwillingness to take no for an answer.
5. Size Matters
Does it though? Well, the harsh truth is the size of one’s genitals matters more to them than it will ever matter to one partner. Overthinking and misinformation gained from social media can often leave someone dissatisfied with “their size” due to which they fear sexual intimacy.
6. STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases)
Too much information can be a hazard sometimes. Some people gradually become reluctant to have sex, due to their fear of contracting AIDS or other STDs. While it is certainly a good thing to practise safe sex to avoid contracting STIs and STDs, letting it overpower your natural urges is not helpful.
6. Physical Dysfunctionalities
Though phobia of sex results mainly from emotional trauma or a certain thought process, sometimes it also results from some physical problems one faces:
- Erectile dysfunction: It refers to the difficulty faced in obtaining and sustaining an erection. Having an ED from time to time is not a concern. However, a prolonged phase of ED may slaughter one’s self-confidence. Problems like getting or keeping an erection can also be a sign of an underlying heart condition that needs to be treated.
- Vaginismus: It is a condition when the muscles of the vagina clench up involuntarily when vaginal penetration happens. Though your vagina learns the art of expanding and contracting when you become sexually active, it may be a painful experience for the first few times, resulting in permanent fear of intercourse
How To Overcome Sex Fear?
Sex is something that should make you feel good about yourself. It shouldn’t make you anxious or feel unworthy. At the end of the day, it’s just a part of your lifestyle, not your entire life. Fear Of Sexual Intimacy is caused by several reasons as we have discussed above. It is this fear which can make people refrain from having sex altogether. However, one can overcome this fear.
Natural Remedies To Overcome Erotophobia
1. Talk It Out
Communication is the key. Talking can help you clear all the doubts in your mind. Having a conversation about sex with your partner can help. In doing so, you will get to know what their needs are. This can uplift your morale and help you perform better.
2. Take A Break
If you feel anxious at the thought of having sex or are extremely uncomfortable discussing it, you can take it slow and wait for things to happen at their own pace.
You don’t have to always have sex with your partner. Sometimes taking things slow and experimenting with other kinds of physical intimacy, like masturbation can be helpful.
Phobia Of Sex is more of a mental health issue than a physical issue. The performance pressure can lead to a lot of anxiety and stress. Meditation can help during such rough phases. Calming your mind will help you perform better and put an end to all self-doubt.
5. Try Therapy
If there is a trauma that has been haunting you and preventing you from having one of the most special experiences of your life feel free to consult a therapist. Don’t feel embarrassed. A lot of people go through this. In such cases, conversations can work better than medicines ever will.
When To Seek Medical Help?
A medical practitioner will examine if there is a physical bit to the fear of sex and if yes, help treat that. If there is no physical reason, the medical practitioner will provide resources and referrals to therapists.
At the end of the day, you must remember that sex is a pleasurable experience. Sex is way more than a physical experience. It is mostly about the person you are with and not only about the physical intimacy you share; it is about the emotions you feel when you are with a certain person. It is a part and parcel of life. Everyone has their first time. Many people go through the physical and emotional tensions associated with the process. Your fears and discomfort are not unusual or abnormal. They are valid. But you can conquer your fears and when the right person comes along, you will triumph over all your self-doubts and help you understand how to overcome sex fear.