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Before you start swiping right and going on dates, make sure you have taken time for yourself. Not only to heal but also to learn more about what you want and what you don’t like. Learn about things that make you, you! Reconnect with the parts of yourself you may have neglected while you were married. Invest in yourself before getting close to someone else.
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Marriage is not your whole life, but it becomes a major part of your life. And irrespective of the reason for divorce, breaking up with your partner and having your life take its turn can be hard to process. Hence if you need to, take time to process things and grieve for your marriage. Mourn for the feelings that you have lost or forgotten, it is OK to feel overwhelmed during any change.
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It might have been one thing that pushed you over the edge and get that divorce. But in reality, there are many more underlying reasons. Hence you might want to visit a therapist to know more about this. They can help you make sense of things that might seem otherwise senseless.
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Before you start blocking your calendar and prepping for dates, make sure that you have healed. This is very important. Your partner must have wronged you, and that anger yet resides in you. Resolve those hateful feelings. Dating from a place of anger doesn’t usually lead to good choices.
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Prioritize what you can and cannot live without and see where you have some wiggle room and where you need to be firm. For example, if you have kids, know that you would prefer a person who wants kids or likes them. Or even small things like being a social drinker, financially independent. They might seem petty or childish at the start but know that they are conditions that you have set.
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Another thing to pay attention to is that you both need to be on the same page. Even if he checks all the boxes of your checklist, are you both in it for the long haul? Sometimes you might just want a no-strings-attached relation. And it’s fine! Communication is the key here. Communicate to know that you both are comfortable and open about your relationship.
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Your girlfriends will be your biggest cheerleaders. And wingman if you need! And sometimes if you are unclear, your girlfriends can help you clear the dark clouds. Introduce your partner to your friends, go on double dates. Friends can pick up on things that you cannot, so in case of a double date, your friends can let you know if they detect a red flag.
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When you choose to tell your children you’re dating someone new is totally up to you. But it is best to do so only when you are certain of your partner. Your kids are your priority and in case they have any doubts, you must remind them that. Also before introducing your kids, make sure that your partner is kid-friendly.
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A hard pill to swallow is that you change with time, and more with a person. But we must understand that change is normal and inevitable. Sometimes you change for the better or for the worse. In your next relationship, make sure you don’t change things about yourself that you like. Do not adjust according to your partner’s needs.
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Your past might be tricky. In case you have had a bad experience with your ex-partner or even small things that might disturb or trigger you, talk it out! If you are comfortable with the person and topic, it is best to talk and let them know about it.
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Dating after divorce is probably better. You know what to avoid and what to go after. But in order to do so, you need to get out of your comfort zone. Don’t stick to your usual ‘type’. A person’s type changes with age. Also, make sure your dates contribute to your life.
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There are plenty more fish in the sea. Do not put all your eggs in one basket. When you are dating, don’t rush it in with the first person you meet. Or even better, don’t just date one person. Have a good vetting process and keep your options open.–
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Throughout your life, there must have been a few red flags that you have noticed. It could be anger issues, or being rude to the waiters or house help. Keep an eye out for any red flags! You do not want to be in a relationship with a toxic person. It will be mentally and physically taxing. Also, avoid the saviour complex. Do not go after a toxic partner with the mentality ‘I can fix them.’
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Be patient with yourself. Do not expect your prince charming to be waiting right after your first meeting. Also, be patient with the people you meet. Your date might not check all your boxes, but sometimes even they need time to open up. Dating is a process and there will be many ups and downs.
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Sometimes you need to trust that sick feeling in your gut. If you have a bad gut feeling, end the date early. Trust your gut even with a good feeling. That feeling is mostly true.
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